For years, I thought I had to have all the answers. This mindset was my armour, my badge of honour, something I wore proudly in every business meeting and every client interaction. The pressure to be the go-to person for solutions, to always know the next move, was immense. But frankly, it was exhausting.
This constant need to be the smartest person in the room had its consequences. At times I think It bred an unpleasant arrogance and dismissiveness and I would find myself shutting down ideas prematurely, convinced that my way was the best and only way.
This approach not only stifled the creativity and contributions of those around me but also isolated me in a bubble of my own making.
In more recent times, I learned a crucial lesson in the power of listening. This shift in perspective has been positively encouraged by one of my favourite long standing clients, Oscar Trimboli, who literally wrote the book on it.
Listening, truly listening, is transformative. It’s about stepping back and realising that if I’m the smartest person in the room, I’m in the wrong room.
So now, I strive to approach every situation with an open mind, assuming that the person I’m talking with knows more than I do, and maintaining an eagerness to learn from those around me. This change wasn’t easy and it didn’t happen overnight. It required a conscious effort to be present, to ‘shut up’ and to tune into the nuances of conversations, and to appreciate the diverse perspectives that others bring to the table.
I’m not always successful. I am, after all, human. There are still moments when the old habits of needing to be right or having the final say creep back in. But the incredible relief I feel by not having to have all the answers is immeasurable. Embracing phrases like “let me get back to you” or “that’s not my wheelhouse” has massively reduced my bouts of overwhelm and anxiety.
As a business owner in a service industry, this shift has been a game-changer. I always want to fix things, to provide immediate solutions. But stepping back and allowing space for others to contribute has allowed me to focus on being present, truly engaging with my team and clients. It’s about fostering a collaborative environment where everyone feels valued and heard.
The humility to admit I don’t know everything has opened doors to collaboration, innovation, and growth. It’s allowed me to tap into the collective intelligence of my team, leveraging their unique skills and experiences to drive the business forward. This has not only improved the quality of our work but also strengthened our team dynamics and client relationships.
One practical step I’ve taken is practising active engagement. I make a conscious effort to give my full attention to the speaker, avoiding interruptions and instead asking clarifying questions to show that I am genuinely interested in understanding their point of view. Embracing silence has also been valuable.
Don’t be afraid of pauses in conversation. They can provide valuable time for reflection and often encourage others to share more deeply.
Seeking diverse perspectives has become a priority. Surrounding myself with people who have different backgrounds and experiences has enriched my understanding and provided valuable new angles and solutions to challenges. Additionally, I’ve committed to continuous learning by reading widely, attending workshops, and being open to new ideas and approaches.
Fostering and encouraging a feedback culture within my team has also been crucial – I actively ask them to tell me when I’m wrong or my thinking isn’t sound. This has helped build a more inclusive and innovative work environment.
Embracing the wisdom of listening is not a sign of weakness but a pathway to profound strength and leadership. Personally, it has helped improve a sense of calm to my life, reducing stress and enhancing my overall well-being. Professionally, it has driven innovation, improved problem-solving, and strengthened relationships with clients and colleagues.
In team meetings, I’ve made it a point to speak last (I can’t remember if this is a Simon Sinek wisdom from Leaders Eat Last, or from Liz Wiseman’s Multipliers). This small change has had a big impact. It allows my team to share their ideas freely without being influenced by my opinions.
As a result, we’ve seen a surge in creative solutions and a more engaged team dynamic. With clients, I’ve shifted from a directive approach to a more consultative one. Instead of telling them what we’re going to do, I start by asking them about their goals and challenges. This has led to deeper, more meaningful conversations and stronger partnerships.
On a personal level, this journey has taught me to be more patient and empathetic. It’s allowed me to build stronger relationships not just at work, but also in my personal life. The ability to listen and understand others’ perspectives has enriched my interactions and deepened my connections.
The journey from hubris to humility, from needing to have all the answers to embracing the power of listening, is ongoing. It requires constant self-awareness and a willingness to grow. But the rewards are immense.
By listening, we open ourselves to endless possibilities, to learning, to innovation, and to meaningful connections.
So, I invite you to embrace the wisdom in listening. It’s a journey worth taking, and the transformation it brings will not only enhance your professional life but also bring profound personal fulfilment. Remember, listening is not a sign of weakness. It is a powerful tool that paves the way to true strength and effective leadership.